How Draco Malfoy REALLY became a Deatheater
by sailor-elsa
Summary: Crack!Fic Galore!   Voldemort wants Draco to kill Dumbledore, but Draco just wants his beanbag chair, and Hermione Granger.


**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter**

_Another Crack!Fic, also not to be take seriously! _

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><p>Draco Malfoy walked into the building of Voldemort's office. He'd been here many times before because, well, his dad was a deatheater. He was famillar with the building. He walked up to Edward, Voldemort's secretary. "I have a Nine o'clock appointment with Lord Voldemort." Draco stated.<p>

"Yes, Malfoy, he's on the fifth floor room number fifty-five." Edward stated. Draco nodded at the extremly kind secretary; it was a shame, Voldemort had a different secretary every week. He liked to kill them; it was funny, this secutary looked a lot like Cedric Diggory, that one Hufflepuff who died. Draco went upstairs and knocked on door number fifty-five.

"Come in!" A high voice sing-songed. Draco rolled his eyes and went into Voldemort's office. Voldemort was in a full body leotard (with leggings, so you don't have to deal with that mental picture). Draco looked disturbed; he'd have to hit his head on a table like his old house elf Dobby use to, to get that mental picture out of his head.

"I'm not going to ask." Draco covered his eyes. Voldemort sat down sheepishly, "I was just working on my aerobic excercises; a Dark Lord has to stay fit too, you know." Voldemort mumbled. "Well sit down." He pointed to the bean bag chair in front of his desk. Draco slowly walked over and awkwardly sat in the rainbow colored bean bag chair.

"Drameo, you've probably wondered why I've ask for you to come to my office." Voldemort stated. He folded up his fingers in a buisness like way.

"We went over this on the phone, my name is Dra-CO." Draco stressed, "goodness, Tom you'd think for a Dark Lord you'd be a little more smarter." Voldemort glared at Draco.

"You take that back or-" Voldemort sighed, "nevermind, I can't kill a blonde morally."

"...and why is that?" Draco asked, defensivly.

"Well because blondes are so innocent, and you know..." Voldemort trailed off, "it's just all those blonde jokes."

"Well at least I have hair!" Draco bragged, "gosh Voldie I can see my reflection on your shiny bald head!" Voldemort rolled his eyes, "like I haven't heard that one a million times."

"Anyways, what do you want?" Draco raised an eyebrow, "I have somewhere to be."

"I want you to join the deatheaters!" Voldemort said enthusiastically. Draco blinked rapidly. "I'm honored, really Voldemort..." Draco said sarcastically, "but why in Merlin's name would I want to go to Azkaban."

"Pssh, only, like sixty percent of deateaters go to Azkaban..." Voldemort thought for a moment, "possibly... eighty."

Draco looked unimpressed, "okay? Why the sudden need to make me a deatheater."

"Be-CAUSE, your just so smart..." Voldemort trailed off, "andIneedyoutokillDumblebore."

"What-What was that?" Draco gasped.

"Your smart?" Voldemort smiled.

"No after that..."

"I love you?" Voldemort smiled.

"No!" Draco yelled.

Voldemort sighed, "I need you to kill Dumbledore."

Draco's eyes widened, "and face possible imprisonment?" He laughed and then stopped, "uh-no."

"Please!" Voldemort pleaded. "None of the other deatheaters will do it!"

"Okay, what's in it for me?" Draco smirked. He was going to milk baldy for all he had. Voldemort bit his lip and then smiled. "The feeling of knowing you've made your Dark Lord very proud."

"I don't know if you've noticed," Draco leaned into Voldemort's face, "but I'm not really a touchy feeling kind of guy." Draco smiled, "I want this... bean bag chair." He pointed to the object he was sitting on.

"C'mon that was on sale!" Voldemort whined.

"...and I want a rocketship." Draco smiled, "oh...oh... and Hermione Granger to love me forever and ever, so we can get married on Mars!" (Ten Thousand points if you know what that's from) Draco gasped in excitement.

"Your a very spoiled child aren't you Draco." Voldemort hissed.

"Yes," Draco nodded. "I also want to be able to tell everyone you chose me, escpecially."

"Fine." Voldemort mumbled.

"Okay, then I'll do it." Draco walked to the door.

"One more thing..." Voldemort added.

Draco looked over his shoulder, "yes?"

"You need to find a way to get some deatheaters into Hogwarts too." Voldemort winced, "sorry."

"Hard work." Draco rolled his eyes, "I'm going to need some more things then."

"I'm desperate Draco, so I'll just kill you if you won't do it." Voldmort said nonchalantly. Draco gaped at him, "I thought you said you couldn't kill a blonde morally?"

"Touche." Voldemort said slowly. "Aha, I've got it, I'll die your hair brown and then I'll kill you!" Voldemort spun around in his computer chair, "ten points to the Dark Lord."

Draco clutched his blonde hair and gasped, "not my hair."

"Then you'll do it?" Voldemort asked.

"Fine, I'll see what I can do." Draco mumbled. Voldemort smiled, "now leave, I have some aerobic excersises to finish." Draco rolled his eyes and left Voldemort's office. Just as Voldemort was paging the secretary to come to his office.

Draco walked downstairs and spotted a deatheater putting up an application for a new secretary, preferably not blonde. Draco sighed and walked out of the building.

He should get planning on how he'd get the deatheaters into Hogwarts, but he was to busy planning what he'd do with that rocketship!

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><p><em>Psh, I'm hella crazy at 2:55 in the morning. <em>

_This was a crack!fic, so don't take it seriously. Because then it just kills the mood ;) _

_And for real if you know the references I made in this; your offically my best friend, and we should to Mars and get married. I'll buy the rocketship : ) _


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